i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
