This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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