So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
