so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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