She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Text me some of your sweat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
