R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
