fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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