Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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