I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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