If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
