Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
