I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
