Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
