my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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