why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
