just come out here and I will go home with you...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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