I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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