She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
