Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
