i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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