How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
