Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
