I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
