I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
