This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
