yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
