I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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