Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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