Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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