Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
being pregnant is like rehab
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
