we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
