It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
