if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
