Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
