so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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