problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
