my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
