did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
