my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
