Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
