found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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