Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
