I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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