Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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