I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
