I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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