he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
