I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
