my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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