Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
