OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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