dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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