its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
