I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
