fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
