You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
