im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
