If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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