It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
