Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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