This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
