I hate all girls vehemently.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
