Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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