is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
