She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
