haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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