Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
