they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My hand turned me down
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
