Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize