I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
