so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
not ubering you a puppy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
