We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am puke
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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