Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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