big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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