is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
